For the past six summers, I have taken 4 – 5 weeks in personal silence and solitude. As I cross the threshold, I leave everything as I know it. Specifically, I take off all the hats I wear as a mother, student, friend, Nana, and, especially, fire myself in the role of a spiritual teacher.
Stripping myself naked of all that I think I am, I am free to discover who I am not. As a result, the quieter I am, the easier it is to see through the subtle and not so subtle ways in which I may identify as a somebody who needs to prove, impress, manage, fix, teach, control, please or meet any expectations of myself or others. Then, release the grip. Through Self-inquiry, letting Love lead the way, the opportunity to discover who I truly am is rich with insight, realization, and deeper freedom.
I experience surrender as leaping headfirst into the fire of the Unknown, letting go of all concern for any outcome. In this spaciousness, the mind comes to rest in its Source. Ahhh, Silence.
I love Love. It feels so good to simply be. This is true freedom. Letting go of control, attempts to plan a future, and being attached to life going my way. Instead, choosing to stay open and discover Love unfolding; this is what this life form is all about. Not because the mind says so, but by some mystery of Grace, this life is given over in service to Truth and freedom. However, this doesn’t make life any easier, by any means. In fact, it feels even more challenging as I am, at times, asked to bear the unbearable. The path of the Heart is NOT for the faint of heart.
I feel overflowing gratitude for every single event, encounter, and meeting that has brought me right here to this moment. And, that includes all the pain and bliss, the leaving and rejection, the failures and successes, the criticism and praise, the support and withdrawal of support, the insights and realizations, and those moments when I feel like the biggest failure and idiot alive. Pride and shame are frightful dance partners. However, when fully met, what is deeper than inflation or deflation is Something indescribable that is always here and always has been.
And now, I am so happy to share the changes that have evolved from this time in solitude. A Course in Miracles is no longer the focus or “go-to” for topics of inquiry. In truth, direct inspiration from the Heart has been guiding this sacred work all along. More significantly, I have been aware since I was a child that the Source is the same for all paths Home. And, for some time now, I have been wanting to throw the books in the fire, and let the Heart sing its own song of Truth without something between us to translate, interpret, understand or offer commentary.
Equally important, what hasn’t changed is that whatever spiritual path you embrace, you are welcome.
Dropping deeper, I discovered I was attached to the familiarity and comfort of the Course. But, underneath the desire for comfort, I felt vulnerable. And, as I felt my way into the vulnerability, it became a rite of passage beyond the fear of loss that clearly wasn’t worth trading for the inexplicable joy and freedom of surrender. As Gangaji confirmed in a recent conversation, “You are here, now, and it’s time to stand on your own.” In that moment of being fully seen, I stood fully upright. Everything as I knew it disappeared. I am free to be myself.
In short, Love took everything, “burned down the storefront” and all that was stored. I am here, empty and naked as I am. I rest free of any crutch to lean on, nothing to hide behind, no commentaries and translations to offer, and no practices or curriculum to teach. Deeper still, Love is. Nothing added, nothing taken away. By Its own will, for Its own sake, Love leads the way for each of us, reveals quite naturally the sacred work of awakening, and is completely trustworthy.
I LOVE meeting you in the Heart, discovering and opening to the essence of who we truly are. As Rumi says, “Joyful speech is that, Which from heart to heart finds its opening”. And so, the title of my website has naturally evolved into “Meeting in the Heart of All”. The doors of the Heart are open to anyone willing and ready to accept the invitation to stop the search.
Overall, there is no method, no way, no practice, no searching, no fixing, no changing yourself into a better version of “you” required or taught. Essentially, wherever you are is just right for you. The Heart, which is the seat of Pure Intelligence, generates a longing to merge with its own mind. Only a mature mind that wants freedom and truth can answer the call of the Heart. Your yearning is the power and the track Home.
The role I play in your life is to honor and encourage that longing. In addition, I am here in service to the fulfillment of your Heart’s deepest wish. Then, to confirm, affirm and sometimes challenge and wrestle with you a bit 🙂 My only purpose for being here is to offer full support for your deepening fulfillment.
If this message makes no sense to you, it’s all right. This may not be the right place for you. However, if you do hear this, by some stroke of Grace, you have come to the right place. And, you are most welcome.
So, what’s next? Let’s continue our deepening and see how Love unfolds. The next series of Self-inquiry is “Vulnerability & The Fire of Love” (for more information and how to register click HERE). And, meeting vulnerability is the focus of our first session. For example, questions for self-inquiry that you may want to explore are:
How do you avoid being seen? What could happen if you let yourself be seen?
I look forward to meeting you in this sacred way.
May all Being be free of suffering, may all Being be happy.
In deep gratitude for YOU! … All Love, Anasuya
by Anasuya Floan, Copyright 2021