The Inevitable Meets the Incomprehensible

One night as I waited for sleep to overtake me, an unexpected and fierce blaze of fear rushed through my body. 

I chose to remain perfectly still and open to it. Wider,   wider,    ever    wider. 

Still.

I saw how terrified I was of being alone. 

The mind was running like a train out of control

                    headed for hell.

Instead of picking up a book or beginning a chant,

Something in me wanted to stop.  Was ready to stop.

Stop the countless efforts to avoid and postpone turning toward this fear.

So, I gave my attention to the mind in complete acceptance and said,

“It’s fine.  Let yourself run as fast and hard as you can.

Roam as far and wide as you need. 

But in your travels, take with you this one question, “Who am I?

And, when you return, let me know what you find.” 

Then, I let myself fully experience what seemed like

 endless feelings of loneliness. 

Just as unexpectedly as the fear had arisen,

a Pure joy like nothing I had ever experienced before

began to shine its light throughout every ounce and particle

of disbelief that I could ever be free. 

Another surprise!

I found myself opening into the Joy. 

And then something new happened, something incomprehensible.

The inevitable came to pass.

After a while, a thought appeared

and I recognized my old and tattered friend,

“Ahhh you have returned. What did you find?”

I was stunned as I watched my mind bow its head low with respect for me,

respect for its search to find the answer.

The mind spoke with tender reverence …

“I visited countless temples, mosques, and sacred places of every kind …

some built on holy ground, some nothing more than a mud hut.

I sat with great beings of many esteemed traditions,

spent thousands of hours meditating and chanting,

reading and studying sacred scriptures ancient and new,

and basking in the poetry of lovers of God.

I pierced the mysteries of numerous religions

while gathering beliefs and concepts that soothed me

         when I was weary and afraid.”

Then, together we reviewed the life we had lived,

turning over one by one the stones of everything I believed to be true and the concepts I had held so dear.   

Then, in humble repose, the mind continued.

“In all my travels, the One I found

over and over again  …

                 was You.

You were always there …  always with me. How obvious!  So simple!

My glimpses of Truth were glimpses of You.

So, I have come to offer you my answer.  Who Am I? …

I am You.”

Then, I and the mind, spiraling in flames of pure Love became One,

Love’s fire leaving nothing to cling to. 

Then, this “I”   

           dissolved  

                             into indescribable

                         Silence.

Silent Retreat May 24 – 27, 2019 ~ Santa Sabina Center, San Rafael, CA

Register today!  As of 11/7/18, 1 room remaining.  For more details, click HERE.

 

by Anasuya Floan

‘Cause Waking Up is Hard to Be

 

You know that waking up is hard to be                                       Now I know                                                                                 I know that I see                                                                   Sometimes I think and pretend                                                   When waking up is breaking up I wish that I                                    were sane again!

 

I woke up one morning to the tune of Neil Sedaka’s “‘Cause Breaking Up is Hard to Do” and was humored as I watched my mind adapt the words. I love the sense of humor that wakens me in spontaneous revery.

Isn’t it true?  Waking up is sometimes so hard to be.  The process of coming into Awareness can be difficult and is sometimes fraught with pain and discomfort.  Being in Awareness, BEING is not difficult at all.  We are enfolded, fused in the safety and comfort that peace and wisdom provide. Stillness and Supreme Silence send waves of bliss and joy. We breathe in the knowledge that everything really is ALL right!

Stillness and Supreme Silence send waves of bliss and joy.

So, when the receptive waves of wakin’ up start breakin’ up and the static of fear starts running interference with the Truth, then what?

How do I bring myself back to Being?  First, I must sing the song I’m singing.  If I try to fool myself and others with lyrics to a melody of anything other than self acceptance, we all know how that goes.  Lying to ourselves and others just digs us deeper into the hole of our illusions.

My favorite lessons from A Course in Miracles are those that direct our power of choice. Through consistent practice, we learn to focus our will and turn the mind toward the Light of our Awareness.  The Holy Spirit “tells you to return your whole mind to God, because it already belongs to Him.”  (Text, page 98).

So, I must begin where I am.  Afraid, angry, resentful, filled with regret and remorse, guilty, grieving, irritated, judgmental, confused; all of which the ego uses to spin endless, clever ruses to assuage the pain of isolation from Love.  This is where waking up is hard to be.  I have to become aware of right where I am and connect with the pain I am experiencing, whether it be emotional, physical, spiritual or mental.

…the point of pain is the place where healing begins.

The Course reminds us to see all pain as a call for love.  And, to understand that the point of pain is the place where healing begins. Rumi says, “Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.” This is how I understand Rumi’s words:  I have to turn my attention into the pain and “sell” everything I think I know about it. Then, bow my head low enough to touch the feet of my Heart.

Through honest learning, we prepare ourselves to “buy bewilderment”. Humility becomes our currency of exchange. We accept that we don’t know how to come into Love’s grace. Waiting with our willingness to be surprised, The Still Small Voice offers Itself as the Answer. In a state of tenderness, we find ourselves surrendered. The Holy Spirit moves of Its own Will, leaving us in landscapes of the Heart where delight and awe breathe fresh breezes that purify the mind and refresh the soul.

A sigh of relief beckons us to bow our heads low, and we pray, “What would You have me say and do in this situation? What do You want me to understand?  What do You want me to see? How can I serve You?” Our individual will aligns with the Will of Love.

…find a way that works for you and work it.

Waking up is hard work, the hardest work we will ever do and keep on doing.  It means honoring the longing in our heart by committing to a rigorous and vigilant mindfulness training. This is the supreme beauty and gift of the daily lessons in The Workbook for Students.  Through practice, we learn to witness the mind, then offer it to the Holy Spirit and see with the eyes of God.  So, to master the mind, find a way that works for you and work it.

It’s helpful and nurturing to have a support team, members of whom are committed to seeing themselves as Love and extending that vision to you and all others. I call these angels my Board of Advisors. They include stellar friends and the Masters throughout time who have gone before us to show the way home to the Heart.

Also, it’s deeply enriching to have a safe place where you can gather with others who share your passion and longing for Truth.  People who are not afraid to sell their cleverness. In their courage to be transparent, they allow themselves to be vendors of bewilderment for one another as they listen to and speak from the Heart.

‘Cause waking up is hard to be

Now I know

I know that I See …

Once you have experienced the whispers of Awakening, there’s no turning back or pretending you don’t know. Give your whole mind to God, then give your whole Yes.

If you want peace and struggle with trusting yourself, you are warmly invited to participate in A Course in Miracles study groups and retreats with Anasuya.

If you are wanting the benefits of private work, please call Anasuya directly at 707-889-3510.

To join my email list and receive my free newsletter, Fresh Insight, click HERE.

by Anasuya Floan

Let it Die ~ A Gift of Grief

Let it Die – A Gift of Grief

Sometimes an unexpected message of change becomes a gift of grief that breaks us open and sets us free.

I recently experienced what I perceived as a betrayal. It wasn’t the message itself; that I accepted. In fact, I was coming to the same decision. I felt betrayed by the way the message was delivered.

When I left the ten-minute meeting in which I had been told in a few sentences that I was no longer needed, I heard two very distinct and tender whispers calling from beneath the searing pain in my Heart: “Let it die.  Die into Me.”

There are certain parts of ourselves that only grief can introduce us to.

        Those loving commands became the mantras that guided me through the following weeks of grief. I was suddenly and unexpectedly saying goodbye. And, to way more than the position of service I had held so dear, I was saying goodbye to a part of myself that only grief could introduce me to.

    Through the stream of midnight tears, I shed the skin of attachments that I had accumulated without realizing it. I laid awake, listening. “Let it die” on the inhale, “Die into Me” on the exhale. Slowly, gently, I offered my trust to the Still Small Voice. Then with each breath, I gave myself over to Its gentle influence and fell deeper into the pain.  Is Love here too?

     “Let it die.” The welcome comfort of my tears brought the humility of acceptance that would reveal the errors of who I thought I was.  I am not what people think of me.  Nor, am I what I have accomplished or how well I have performed.  And, I am not my perception of how I think they should treat me because of what I believe or hope they think of me.

What are the gifts of abundance that the Divine is wanting to give me now?

      “Die into Me.” As I let go into the Light of my heart, I could now see the root cause of my mistake in how I perceived myself. The lie that I am not loved dissolved in the Grace-giving waters of Forgiveness and left me naked, free to be in the truth.  I am loved.

     From within a delicate and empty Quietude, a question emerged, “What are the gifts of abundance that the Divine is wanting to give me now?” As I drank from this unexpected and welcome pool of hope and renewal, a warm glow of light began to emanate beginning in my belly, “Time.” Blissfully rising up into my heart, “Freedom.”  And peacefully settling just below my throat, “Relief.”

     I have more time to focus on the things that my heart is longing to do, like write the story of my spiritual journey that has been my guiding Light through life.  A new freedom is singing in my heart.  No more need to please, perform and answer to someone else’s demands.  An abundance of relief offers a respite of peace. Relief from responsibilities that are no longer mine, I am free to rest my focus in the safety of Love’s Will for me.

Give yourself over completely to Love’s Influence

     “Let it die.  Die into Me.”  Trust the Still Small Voice within.  Give yourself over completely to Its influence.  It speaks as the Divine Will, leading the mind safely home to the Heart. Joy, freedom, peace and abundance are Its gifts. Take all you need. They are yours for the taking.

~~~

Do you want peace and struggle with trusting yourself?

Call Anasuya directly at 707-889-3510 to find out more about study groups, retreats and individual spiritual guidance and counseling.

Join my email list and receive my free newsletter, Fresh Insight!

by Anasuya Floan

From Clear to Fear and Back Again

From Clear to Fear and Back Again

You know how it is. You have clarity. You’re inspired. Your heart moves you. You know it’s the truth. You’re at peace and like the song says, “On a clear day you can see Forever”. A quiet joy fills you and you begin to see the first action steps that will bring your heart’s desire to life. You may even take a step or two. You can’t help but notice that you’re, well … dare you admit it? … Happy?!

What others think is none of your business

You know how it is. And then.. and then a shrinking darkness pulls you back and whispers, “but what about (fill in the blank with a who or what)?” “You can’t do that!” “No one wants to hear you.” “What about the kids? the laundry? what about all of your responsibilities?” “They’ll think you’re a loser. They’ll think you’re not responsible. They’ll think …” Yes, they will think.

You know how it is. You’ve successfully negotiated with fear’s reasoning and logically worked your way out of the terror that squashed your truth. You fall numb to its deafening effect on the Still Small Voice within.

You know how it is. You get grumpy, irritable. Everything feels off and no one can do anything right around you or for you. You toss it off to a “bad day” or Mercury retrograde. You tell yourself, “I’ll feel better when it stops raining.”

Grace moves by Its own Will 

You know how it is.  You feel Something deep within calling you to be still. You resist the Invitation until … in some quiet corner of your day, an unexpected breeze of tender Grace moves by Its own Will and wins your attention.  By some benevolent mystery, you accept yourself just as you are: afraid, feeling alone and needing help.
With a little willingness, you respond to the Call within. It offers release and as the tears flow, you let go.  A miracle flashes forth, a spontaneous shift in your perception.  You are humbled as you realize that it arrives at the threshold of your awareness by nothing you do.  The grace of forgiveness welcomes you home to Love’s embrace.
You breathe in the atmosphere of Clarity and you know the next right step, the clear and loving thing to say, the decision that is authentic and true to YOU, the REAL you. You know you can trust Love’s command and you take another step.
You know how it is. Being human dancing with the Divine. From Clear to fear and back again. Trust the dance. Love is the Friend Who dances you.

Do you want peace and struggle with trusting yourself?

Call Anasuya directly at 707-889-3510 to find out more about study groups, retreats and individual spiritual guidance and counseling.

Join my email list and receive my free newsletter, Fresh Insight!

by Anasuya Floan